The BEST/WORST break up lines

Sorry it’s not you it’s me. I just feel we’ve grown apart as people. I think of you as more of a brother.

And then of course the killer one…We can still be friends though? NO.

In what world would you ever consider being friends with someone after they use a bullshit excuse to get out of a relationship. I mean really, the whole 'I'm not ready for commitment'  or ‘You can do better than me’ is getting really old. If someone was going to break up with you the least they can do is to make it a little more creative, for example ‘Sorry love but I’ve recently been diagnosed with a rare illness which will prevent you and only you from being able to come near me… like ever. Maybe one day I’ll recover, but doctors have informed me due to my severe case, there is a possibility it may be terminal.’ Now that is a break up line I would like to hear…

Back in the simple days of Mark Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, there wasn’t really such thing as these lousy break up lines nonsense. They simply found their match, got hitched, raised a few children (preferably males, females were usually a disappointment) and then grew old and died together. They were literally mating breeding machines with fancy dresses and bad teeth. However the Master of the house was usually having his way with the staff and then banishing them or even worse beheading them (Henry VIII, he was awfully harsh like that) when the first lady of waiting would end up knocked up with his bastard child. When you put it in that light a shoddy break up line sounds better than having your head chopped off.

Don’t feel deflated though it’s happened to the best of us even celebrities. Take a look at Brad and Jen, wedding bells were in the air until trout pout Angelina came along and knocked ‘Bennifer’ out of the picture and claimed the title of ‘Brangelina’. Imagine that scenario, ‘Sorry Jen, I just feel that in the last few months of me filiming my new film ‘Mr&Mrs Smith’ which will be released in a few weeks, with some kickass action,a movie not to be missed. We have grown apart and Angie was there for me, lips and all.’

Awkward.

So don’t feel embarrassed if you have been a victim of a cruddy break up line. Giver or receiver, we have been there and here a few selections of the best/worst break up lines given/received from the public (these have remained anonymous out of respect to their previous ‘relationships’)

GIVEN: Found out my ex cheated on me, didn't let on I knew, gave him head, he came so I kept it in my mouth and made out with him. I put it all in his mouth and pulled away, he threw up, I called him a prick explained I knew he cheated and split up with him then and there.

RECEIVED: Sorry I’m purposefully indie.

GIVEN: I dumped my best friend's boyfriend on her behalf by acting as if it was us breaking up because he didn't get on with me. I basically said: "I'm sorry, but every time you're around me, I feel like you don't want me near you. You don't like to talk to me on the phone and always want my friend instead. It's definitely not me, it's you." His reply was: "Is this coming from your friend or you?" He soon got the hint though.

RECEIVED: One guy said to me we were in an open relationship, I would be your proper boyfriend but you’re a little to fat.

GIVEN: After a phone call telling me he was about to get laid off, with my friend in my ear shouting ‘ DO IT DO IT’ I broke up with him, my only explanation – I’m sorry you have straight ginger pubes. Oops.

RECEIVED: I was on a night out about 4am in the morning, I was getting a kebab (standard Newquay night) he rang me to say I’m moving out now because I know your actually a lesbian, I was like what...then when I got home the next day he moved out and stole my cat.

GIVEN: Sorry I'm actually straight.

RECEIVED: He broke up with me because he fell down my stairs, then said I pushed him and tried to get me done for GBH and lets clear it up - I did no such thing.

GIVEN: There was one time while living in London I got with a lass who was a twat, her friend was a lovely lass looks and personality wise. We liked each other so when it came to finishing the other I dropped the classic "I think it would be better if we see other people"...once agreed to I had to ask "How would you feel about the other person I saw being _____?"

RECEIVED: He broke up with me by getting my ex-friend to ring him of his phone and say he cant see me tonight as she is sleeping with him – wow.

GIVEN: Feeling a bit frisky one night, went to go down on her, went to the bathroom looked in the mirror, noticed blood all over my face. Went back in, punched her in the face and left. She had to go.

RECEIVED: Me 'where do I stand' him 'stand wherever the f*ck you like'

RECEIVED: My ex boyfriend broke up with me the morning after we had a foursome.

RECEIVED: He broke up with me outside a club because previously before we were together I had met a guy who I shared a sexual encounter outside the club with. I went back into the club, he went home and then next day came crawling back.