Boys Vs Toys

Come on ladies, we’ve all heard of them and many of us have even purchased them. They are those little (or sometimes big) purchases which bring us the best present any person could ever buy; a full blown knees shaking, toes curling, sweat dripping, overwhelming sea of pleasure - an orgasm. It is argued that women in the 21^st century are stronger, more independent and more keen to explore other ways to (excuse my French) get off. Working women simply do not have the time to mess about with dead end dating or finding a guy in a bar for a quick fumble. No instead, after a hard days work at the office she goes home to her ever faithful Mr Rabbit. He waits patiently for her to come home, always pleases her first, knows what he’s doing and most importantly NEVER leaves her disappointed.  She never has to worry about him not calling her back or running off with another woman for the simple reason – ‘he’ is nothing more than a piece of plastic, a perfect piece of plastic may I add.

Now, let’s delve deeper into these man made products which makes us ladies wonder whether in actual fact these products are better than the real thing its self – men. Ann’s summers the X-Rated version of ‘Toys R Us’ is the home for your sexual desires. Ranging from Sexy lingerie to hard core penetrating machines, this is the place EVERY woman should be familiar with. In recent months Ann’s summers has commented on the rise of sales since the success of ‘the’ book which I’m sure will ring certain bells after I mention two un forgettable words, the sex god himself, Mr Grey. Yes, you know it alright; the book which has left women’s knickers soaked all over the country and makes even the most conservative of all ladies gagging to be gagged. Thank god for Mr Grey (in the words of E.L James) for ‘awakening our inner goddess’. No longer do we have to be coy about buying nipple clamps or spanking panels. Instead we embrace them and walk the streets proudly with tender tits and red arses.

Here is some of YOUR must have’s…

Like a baby needs a dummy, mummy needs a rabbit. The Rabbit, need I say more, the invention of the gods. Varying in size, girth, speed, and capabilities whatever you desire the rabbit will deliver. The latest and most popular one at the moment is ‘The Silicone’ which is available in three different colours.  I’m telling you ladies it is worth the investment and it’s on sale now for only £39.20! The Silicone with a bit of Tingle lube and bobs your uncle, you got yourself an orgasm waiting at home.

Next in your bag of toys has got to be Jiggle Balls. These have become the toy of interest due to the leg crossing use of them in ’50 Shades’. To top it off, they exercise your kegel muscles resulting in a pleasurable work out! BONUS!

Now this one is one for the couples out there, the Lelo Tiani 2 Deep Rose. Ladies trust me, after using this; he will never EVER look at another woman again, Period. At a pricey £100 this baby doesn’t ‘cum’ cheap. The toy comes in two parts which can be used separately or together AND they both vibrate what more could you ask for.

Every girl should carry a lipstick in her purse, ladies forget the lipstick, you need the bullet. The joys of the bullet, we’ve all heard the saying good things come in small packages. Well this small bundle of joy definitely lives up to the saying giving you multiple orgasms and then slips straight back into your bag. Jobs a gooden! Perfect for having a little time to yourself in the office toilets or even in the back of a boring lecture – DON’T act like you’ve never thought about it! Also, if you want to add a little summit summit to yours and your lover’s sex life, there’s nothing better than shoving the little bugger up your boyfriend’s back passage whilst performing oral sex. They LOVE it!

But of course, with the good comes the bad. I suppose there are nights when all we want is a little attention from the opposite sex, attention which includes having him pound you against your bedside table knocking your parent’s picture off of it. So here are a few things which I suppose prove that men sometimes have their uses…

Top of the list has to be spooning. As the saying goes, spooning always leads to forking; and 9 times out of 10 yes that is usually correct. But nothing can beat a good spoon. Well almost nothing, spooning with a bit of tit grab is always a winner in my eyes.

Intimate moments; the moments which you imagine in your head to look like a scene out of Romeo and Juliet when in reality you probably look like something out of a back room porno movie gone wrong. Not pretty.

When it comes to sex with a guy nothing turns us on more than having that skin to skin contact. There is no toy which can imitate having the weight of someone on top of you doing missionary style; sorry girls technology hasn’t moved that fast unfortunately.

Also let us not forget the one thing which we all need, man or woman, the actual physical attraction. You know what I’m talking about the feeling that makes you want to pounce on that person regardless of where you are or who’s around. And as much as we love our toys, we are probably not likely to take them back to meet the parents are we.

So at the end of it, it seems to be a tie breaker! We ladies need our boys but we certainly need our toys too. Carry on dating and carry on playing.